How to Safeguard Sexual Purity

Paul told Timothy to flee from youthful lusts. No casual turning away. Flee like your life depends on it! The stakes are too high to toy with pornography. The first step to living in purity is to Flee from Sin.

The first step to freedom is getting serious about eliminating this sin. You cannot defeat the monster of lust while coddling any of its tentacles. If you claim to hate pornography but refuse to destroy that secret stash, you’re just lying to yourself and to God—which never ends well. Paul also gave the same strong counsel to the believers in Corinth:

“Flee from sexual immorality. Every other sin a man can commit is outside his body, but he who sins sexually sins against his own body.” (1 Corinthians 6:18)

Fleeing can mean literally running away from the scene of a temptation—and sometimes this is absolutely necessary. But more generally fleeing from sexual immorality means staying as far from this sin as possible.

When God opens your eyes to see just how destructive pornography is to your own soul, to the men and women involved in the sex trade, to marriages and families and society as a whole—then fleeing is the only sane response! As Solomon wisely said:

“The one who commits adultery with a woman is lacking sense; he who would destroy himself does it. Wounds and disgrace he will find, and his reproach will not be blotted out.” (Proverbs 6:32–33)

FLEE: Tactics to leave lust in the dust

The acronym FLEE breaks this step down into four tactics to put into practice.

Paul didn’t just tell Timothy to flee from the bad stuff; he followed up with a charge to pursue the good stuff! So the second step is to Come to Christ, replacing your old desires for sin with new desires for the pure and holy pleasures God wants you to enjoy.

We all know that “just say no” doesn’t work for long. Cutting out deeply rooted sin is no easy task, and old habits die hard. Your willpower is a finite resource that is quickly used up in the struggle against temptation.

Instead of joyless self-denial, you need what theologian Thomas Chalmers called “the expulsive power of a new affection.” Think about it: how can you get all the air out of a glass? Easy, fill it with water instead. So how can you get rid of filthy, sinful desires? Replace them with good, beautiful, and holy desires!

Never leave a vacuum in your heart; it will quickly fill up again with all those old lusts of the world, the flesh, and the devil. Having seen pornography as the repulsive evil it is, turn your attention to the goodness and beauty of God in Christ. Jesus says, “Come to Me, all who are weary and heavy-laden, and I will give you rest” (Matthew 11:28).

By continuing to embrace your new identity in Christ and deny the old sinful passions, your desires will be transformed. The soul that awakens to enjoy God will begin to see sinful desires as empty counterfeits to the lasting pleasure and joy of knowing Him.

The more you draw near to God, the easier it is to say “no” to lust and sexual immorality. And God Himself will draw near to you: “Draw near to God and He will draw near to you. Cleanse your hands, you sinners; and purify your hearts, you double-minded.” (James 4:8)

COME: Drive out lust by drawing near to God

The word COME spells out four key tactics to apply this second step in your life:

Paul finished his charge to Timothy by directing him to pursue righteousness, not alone, but “with those who call on the Lord from a pure heart.” Like Timothy, as we flee from sin, and as we draw near to Christ, we must also share our joys and struggles with other believers who spur us on toward purity and holiness. As with the first two steps, this third step is critical. It completes the Purity Shield, bringing you into the joy of Christian fellowship and the light of transparency.

As a person made in God’s image, you were made for authentic relationships. From the very beginning, God said, “It is not good for the man to be alone” (Genesis 2:18). Without the counsel of godly friends, it’s dangerously easy to stray from the right path. Isolation is your enemy in the fight against sin.

“Whoever isolates himself seeks his own desire; he breaks out against all sound judgment” (Proverbs 18:1, ESV).

If you’re not presently caught in sexual sin and wisely want to avoid that trap, you need accountability! Countless men and women have fallen into sexual sin because they trusted themselves too much and were not answerable to others when they began to stray.

Have you tried to battle pornography on your own, discouraged by repeated failures? Friend, you need accountability! Pornography is deeply isolating, partly because it is utterly self-centered and turns everyone else into objects for your personal pleasure, and also because it heaps on the viewer a crushing load of shame: “I could never tell anyone about this.” The result is a vicious spiral of secret sin that only gets worse over time.

Being accountable to one another is non-optional if you want to avoid—or escape—the awful cycle of sin and shame fueled by isolation.

SHARE: Heart-level accountability in Christian community

Lasting peace and sexual purity are found when you walk in all three steps of “Flee from Sin, Come to Christ, Share with Others.” Our key word for this last step is SHARE:

Seek help: Ask at least one mature believer to hold you accountable.

Find a trustworthy partner who is willing to hold you accountable in the area of sexual temptation and is not struggling in this area. Two or three partners are best, but one godly, mature person can be a huge help. Your accountability partner should be the same gender as yourself, unless you have a strong marriage and your spouse is able to carry this responsibility.

Agree on a regular schedule (time and place) to continue meeting together for accountability. Weekly face-to-face meetings are best, but a phone call or video chat can also work well. This accountability relationship should be a high priority for both you and your partner.

If your sins have hurt your spouse, you will need to humbly seek forgiveness and begin the process of rebuilding trust in your marriage. Having a qualified biblical counselor to walk alongside you and your spouse will be a huge help during this healing process in your relationship.

Heed advice: Listen and diligently apply the counsel you receive.

Having opened yourself to be accountable to others, heed their advice! Humbly receive counsel from your accountability partner and diligently work to apply their input.

Invite your partner to critique how your actions are helping or hurting. Their objective feedback will help you recognize successes, correct deficiencies, and keep you moving forward. Listen graciously and assume that the speaker has your best interests at heart, speaking what is “good for edification according to the need of the moment, so that it will give grace to those who hear” (Ephesians 4:29).

Show your gratitude to those who reprove and correct you. Avoid a foolish mindset that refuses to accept counsel. Be willing to learn, change, and grow. “Poverty and disgrace come to him who ignores instruction, but whoever heeds reproof is honored” (Proverbs 13:18, ESV).

Assemble: Regularly join with your local church in worship, fellowship, and service.

If you haven’t already, join a church that teaches and practices God’s Word—and don’t neglect meeting together weekly for worship, prayer, and fellowship (Hebrews 10:25). Get involved in an authentic Christian community, welcoming people into your life to know and be known.

Look for opportunities to “do life” together with people who love the Lord, in addition to worship on Sunday mornings. This could mean joining a small group that meets in a church member’s home, or perhaps hosting a Bible study or game night at your own home. Maybe it’s an informal date for coffee and prayer with a friend each week, or inviting a young couple over for dinner. Start small and grow as you become more comfortable.

Be careful not to approach relationships with a self-serving mindset, as if other people exist to meet your personal needs and desires. Instead, practice the many “one another” commands in Scripture. “Be devoted to one another in brotherly love; give preference to one another in honor” (Romans 12:10). Combat the self-seeking nature of lust by finding ways to sacrificially serve and build up others around you.

Reveal: Embrace radical transparency and confess your sins to others.

No more hiding, period. This is key! Accountability crumbles fast when you deceive and cover up the truth. Commit to honesty, no matter what.

Continue to drag your sin into the light by honestly confessing to your accountability partner and other trustworthy believers who can offer encouragement, admonition, and prayer support to you in the battle. “Confess your sins to one another, and pray for one another so that you may be healed” (James 5:16).

Install Accountable2You on your devices and invite your accountability partner to receive regular reports of your device activity. Commit to radical transparency, and do whatever it takes to keep living in the light.

Engage: Do the work necessary to walk in freedom by the power of the Holy Spirit.

Together with your partner, make a clear plan for how you will stay accountable in known areas of temptation, such as an unmonitored computer at work or a trip away from home without your spouse. Commit to the plan and follow through.

Remember, it’s not your accountability partner’s job to drag the truth out of you or make you change. You are primarily responsible for your spiritual growth (Galatians 6:4–5). Take ownership of your actions. Accountability helps those who want to be accountable.

God says sexual purity is not optional

Many well-meaning Christian pastors and teachers shrug off pornography as a struggle that can never be overcome in this life. But that mindset simply does not fit with God’s Word.

According to Jesus, the Christ, looking with lust is a form of adultery (Matthew 5:28), a grievous offense against God and against people made in His image. The word pornography comes from the Greek porneia, a term for all kinds of sexual immorality. The Bible repeatedly says that sexual immorality (porneia) has no part in a Christian’s life. Here are just a few examples:

“But sexual immorality [porneia] or any impurity or greed must not even be named among you, as is proper among saints.” (Ephesians 5:3)

“For this is the will of God, your sanctification; that is, that you abstain from sexual immorality [porneia]; that each of you know how to possess his own vessel in sanctification and honor.” (1 Thessalonians 4:3–4)

“Therefore consider the members of your earthly body as dead to immorality [porneia], impurity, passion, evil desire, and greed, which amounts to idolatry.” (Colossians 3:5)

Thankfully, sexual sin can be forgiven! You can turn away from sin in repentance and pray like David, “Create in me a clean heart, O God, and renew a right spirit within me” (Psalm 51:10).

The Spirit empowers us for purity

Born-again Christians have a new heart and God’s Holy Spirit living within them (Ezekiel 36:26). Sexual purity is possible in this life because God empowers believers, through the Spirit, “to deny ungodliness and worldly desires and to live sensibly, righteously and godly in the present age” (Titus 2:12). We have this assurance:

“But I say, walk by the Spirit, and you will not carry out the desire of the flesh.” (Galatians 5:16)

Purity brings blessing, joy, and peace

Jesus said, “Blessed are the pure in heart, for they shall see God” (Matthew 5:8). The blessing of purity is knowing God intimately and enjoying His presence! He is the only source of true life, full joy, and lasting pleasure (Psalm 16:11).

“He who has clean hands and a pure heart… He shall receive a blessing from the LORD.” (Psalm 24:4–5)

The process of turning away from sin to Christ is called repentance. It begins when someone hears and believes the gospel that Jesus, the Christ, died on the Cross to bear the punishment of God’s just wrath against their sin and then rose from the dead so they also can walk in newness of life. But that’s only the start!

Many believers think repentance is something they did when they first received Christ. In fact, it should be something we are doing—an ongoing reality for every Christian. “Repent and believe” is the two-cycle engine of the Christian life, not just the ignition switch.

Every day, every hour, we must be continually turning away from our sin and looking to Jesus Christ in faith. Each time we fall for the lies of the devil, we have to repent again and choose, by faith, to believe God’s Word instead.

At the overlap of Step Two and Step Three we have fellowship. The first level of being accountable to one another is simply spending time with other believers. This is the essence of Christian fellowship, an essential ingredient to walking in purity.

Although fellowship includes much more than chatting about your week after church each week, it should not be any less. Scripture warns us not to forsake the assembly of believers because we need the encouragement and admonition of others—especially during times of trial and temptation:

“Let us consider how to stimulate one another to love and good deeds, not forsaking our own assembling together, as is the habit of some, but encouraging one another; and all the more as you see the day drawing near.” (Hebrews 10:24–25)

You become like the people you spend time with. Through conversation we come to know one another. In the course of sharing life together, we can encourage each other to become more like Jesus. “He who walks with wise men will be wise, but the companion of fools will suffer harm” (Proverbs 13:20).

Biblical fellowship means a shared life, the opposite of isolation and individualism. It means you have friends and mentors, brothers and sisters, who love and know you. It means you are part of something bigger than yourself: the church, the family of God, the body of Christ (1 Corinthians 12:12–27).

Transparency happens at the overlap of Step One and Step Three. Sadly, many Christians settle for superficial “fellowship,” never going any deeper than surface-level conversations. Dying on the inside, they keep up a cheerful exterior and dodge any probing questions that might expose their sin.

If you want to walk in purity, you need more accountability than, “Hey, I missed you last Sunday.” You must build deep relationships that go beyond fellowship into radical transparency. This deeper level of accountability requires humility, honesty, and vulnerability.

Transparency does not mean you stand up in a prayer meeting and share all the details of your sexual sin. It does mean you are totally open with one or more brothers (or sisters) in the Lord, honestly confessing your sin and praying together for healing (James 5:16). Transparency means you consistently expose sin in your life and turn from it, as Paul wrote:

“Do not participate in the unfruitful deeds of darkness, but instead even expose them; for it is disgraceful even to speak of the things which are done by them in secret. But all things become visible when they are exposed by the light, for everything that becomes visible is light.” (Ephesians 5:11–13)

As terrifying as it feels to bring your sin into the light, that is the only way to find freedom. When you determine to stop hiding and lying, the results may be painful at first, but God will reward your transparency with compassion.

“He who conceals his transgressions will not prosper, But he who confesses and forsakes them will find compassion.” (Proverbs 28:13)