Accountable2You » Resources » Marriage Accountability » Accountability in Marriage: How Should It Work?
Dear Ali,
I’m getting married soon and wonder what accountability should look like in marriage. Do you have any advice?
Nearly Married
Dear Nearly,
Congratulations on your upcoming marriage! Mutual accountability in marriage provides harmony, trust, and transparency. Being accountable to one another is not about policing or parenting each other but promoting a healthy oneness with your spouse.
A lack of accountability and boundaries in marriage has the potential for great harm such as divorce or infidelity. There are several key areas that you will want to discuss with your future spouse regarding mutual accountability in your marriage.
Finances and bank accounts need to be shared and openly discussed on a regular basis.
Money can be a major source of conflict in marriage. Society has promoted a sense of distrust between spouses by encouraging prenuptial agreements and separate bank accounts. Finances and bank accounts need to be shared and openly discussed on a regular basis.
Accountability will require you both to understand and agree upon the spending, budget, expenses, and debt. It would be wise for both of you to discuss the budget together each month so there are clear expectations. Failing to communicate about budgeted amounts can lead to overspending and frustration.
Without accountability in the area of technology, the door is wide open to allow vulnerabilities into your relationship. Having accountability software installed on all your phones, tablets, and computers creates an atmosphere of transparency for all device activity.
Usernames, passwords, records, social media accounts, internet history, etc. should all be easily accessible to each other. Not only does this communicate trust with each other, but in the event that anything should happen to your spouse, you will have the ability to access accounts and important information in their absence or death. Exceptions would apply with occupations that require confidentiality from the spouse in fields such as medical, legal, or counseling.
Be open and accountable about the time you spend with friends and coworkers. It is important to guard your heart against deep emotional connections with the opposite gender. Put boundaries in place and avoid situations that can lead to temptation or give the appearance of wrongdoing.
Not only should your spouse know about your relationships outside of marriage, but they need to be comfortable with them as well. Be sure to keep the relationship with your spouse as your number one priority.
You need to act as a united team, not as two individuals living under the same roof.
As a married couple, you need to act as a united team, not as two individuals living under the same roof. Decisions, especially important ones that affect both of you, need to be discussed together. Your spouse can bring a lot of valuable input to the table.
Mutual accountability shows the desire to consult and involve your spouse in all things important to the relationship. It will also be very beneficial to discuss important decisions before marriage concerning where you will live, children, careers, etc. Marriage is not the time to discover that you have very different viewpoints on important matters!
Strong, loving relationships rely on good communication, trust, and transparency. Mutual accountability in marriage provides enormous benefit to encourage these qualities in the relationship!
Yours in accountability,
Ali
“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics. Do you have a question for Ali? Send your question to [email protected]. Please note that the views and opinions expressed may not represent those of Accountable2You.