I’m getting married soon and have never asked my fiancé if he struggles with pornography. How do I start the conversation?
Soon To Be Mrs.
Dear Soon To Be,
Congratulations on your engagement! Entering into a marriage covenant is a serious decision and life-long commitment. An issue with pornography is a valid concern and should be discussed before marriage. It is important to know how your prospective spouse feels about this issue and if it is a struggle in his life.
A healthy marriage needs honesty and transparency.
Ask how he feels pornography affects the marriage relationship. Does he agree it is harmful and damaging, or no big deal? How has it affected him personally? Does he have accountability in place? Does he talk to someone about his purity? Find out what steps he takes to avoid failure in this area.
Premarital counseling is another way to allow you to discuss topics beforehand. Learning how to communicate well with each other now will help to resolve issues that come up in the future.
A healthy marriage needs honesty and transparency. Hopefully, your fiancé is open to the discussion and willing to talk about it. If not, that is a red flag you should carefully consider before you say, “I do.”
Wishing you both the best,
“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics.