Does My Spouse Need to Know about This Friendship?

Dear Reluctant,

One of the most important relationships we get to enjoy is the union of marriage. Marriage vows are a commitment to keep ourselves solely unto our spouse until death. When we enter the marriage covenant, it is important to put in place boundaries and accountability to guard our relationship from outside temptation.

If you maintain appropriate friendships with the opposite gender, there should be no hesitation to bring up these relationships with your spouse. The fact that your husband doesn’t know about this friendship and the fear that he could disrupt it should concern you. As a married woman, you are opening yourself up to temptation by guarding this male friendship secretively.

Inappropriate behavior with male companions can start with an innocent conversation. Casual talk can lead to sharing information, thoughts, or feelings that should only be kept between you and your husband. A male friend might make you feel understood and appreciated more than you feel your husband does. But investing in this type of emotional connection with your coworker, without boundaries in place, provides an opportunity to stray from your commitment to your spouse. While you might view this friendship innocently right now, having secrets from your husband will cause distrust down the road in your marriage.

You and your husband should have honest conversations about the friendships you both have outside of your marriage. Any activity with the opposite gender should be done with others present. Guard your heart toward deepened emotional relationships with other men.

Your relationship with your spouse takes priority over any other relationship. Marital fidelity is a commitment to daily seek what is best for your spouse and remain loyal to him and your marriage! Strive to be a person of faithful character and integrity.

Yours in accountability,
Ali

“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics.