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Marriage Accountability

Help! My Husband Admitted to Viewing Pornography

by Ali Royann

Dear Ali,
My husband has admitted to regularly viewing pornography. I’m so hurt and angry. How do I get past this?


Dear Devastated,

Wrong choices from the one who has vowed to “love and cherish” you can feel like a betrayal. The hurt can be so overwhelming that it can be hard to extend forgiveness. But you can experience a fulfilled and trusting relationship again and make your marriage even stronger!

You can experience a fulfilled and trusting relationship again.

Your husband has made the first step with his confession. It was probably not an easy decision for him knowing the pain that it would cause you. The fact that he told you sounds like he is taking the initiative to make it right.

I would hope he also expressed a desire for change. Growth can only happen when a person is willing to improve. To support your husband toward changing his behavior, you will need to forgive him. An unforgiving heart will create bitterness and build resentment. Forgiveness begins with realizing that none of us are perfect. We all have faults and the propensity to hurt the ones we love. The key is to be willing to move forward.

Now would be a great opportunity to put accountability in place.

Now would be a great opportunity to put accountability in place. It will reinforce your husband’s true intent toward change. Simply being aware that he is accountable for his actions and decisions can motivate him to make right choices. It will also be a useful tool to rebuild the broken trust and show transparency. Accountability will give you both opportunity for real communication and make your relationship even stronger.

Seek out ways to encourage your heart as well. Supportive friends and helpful resources can provide healing and hope. Find people who will help you focus on the positive changes being made and who value your marriage being successful. Find ways to reconnect with your husband. Spend quality time together with the purpose of healthy conversation.

Marriage is only as good as the amount of time we invest in it! I hope that through this bump in the road, you both will come out the other side with a greater appreciation and deeper love for one another.


“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics.

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