Accountable2You » Resources » Family Accountability » Parents, Model Purity in the Home
When my high school needed a basketball coach, everyone expected our small, rural school to assign a random history or science teacher to fill the spot—like they usually did. Instead, they hired Coach Witherspoon, a former professional player and collegiate coach. Needless to say, a lot changed that year.
Rather than sitting on the bench barking instructions across the gym, he actively participated with us on the court at every practice. He didn’t just give instructions; he stepped through every drill with us, showed the right technique, ran the plays, and set the standard through his own effort. I think all of my former teammates would agree that it was his example, more than anything, that led to the transformation and success we had that season.
Teaching your children biblically includes inviting them to watch you obey what you’ve instructed them to do.
Christian parents could stand to take some notes from Coach Witherspoon. You can’t remain on the sidelines of your children’s lives, merely telling them what Scripture says and hoping they figure out how to obey it. Teaching your children biblically includes inviting them to watch you obey what you’ve instructed them to do. You should be able to say, with the apostle Paul, “Imitate me as I imitate Christ” (1 Corinthians 11:1).
In a culture saturated with sexual immorality, one area where parents must be intentional to model for their children is purity. Parents who want to raise their children in the discipline and instruction of the Lord must not only teach their children purity but also model it—in their hearts, mouths, relationships, lives, and pursuit of Christ, who alone makes purity possible.
Scripture regularly presents the Christian life as something to be both taught and observed. The apostle Paul makes this clear when he commands believers to practice what they have learned and have seen in him (Philippians 4:9). Likewise, in 1 Thessalonians 1:6–7, he commends other Christians for having become examples that others can follow.
Taken together with Deuteronomy 6:6–7, which places the home at the center of Christian discipleship, the implication is clear: children learn to follow Christ in part by watching their parents do so. That raises a sobering question: Do your children have only your instruction to follow, or do they also see an example worth imitating in your life?
Your children will notice when your actions contradict your words, and they will tend to learn more from the former. That’s why teaching purity in the home cannot be reduced to rules alone. If your only communication about purity revolves around “don’t do this,” your children may comply outwardly for a time, but they won’t understand the heart behind it. They need to see you back up your words with your own genuine pursuit of purity.
At the same time, it can be just as damaging to present yourself as having already attained perfection. Instead, as you wage war against sin, show your children—in varying degrees according to their maturity—what a God-honoring fight for purity looks like. A parent who humbly acknowledges their weakness and sinfulness, lives in accountability and repentance, and places their hope not in themselves but in Christ will communicate the Gospel far more clearly than one who fakes perfection.
Biblical purity is far more than just avoiding sexual sin or inappropriate language.
The idea of modeling purity in the home may seem daunting, especially if you’ve never had an example yourself. But take heart, you’re not left to figure it out on your own. The same Christ who saved you has also provided everything you need for this calling. He has given you the perfect example of purity in His own life, His Word to guide you, and His Church to walk alongside you so that, by His grace, you can become the example for your children that you may not have had yourself.
This doesn’t mean that it will be easy. Biblical purity is far more than just avoiding sexual sin or inappropriate language; it’s a commitment to pursue obedience across every area of life—beginning in the heart and working outward.
In the Sermon on the Mount, Jesus makes clear that God is concerned not only with outward actions, but also with the desires, thoughts, and motivations that produce them (Matthew 5:21–28). Purity, then, must begin in the heart (Proverbs 4:23).
As your heart is deceitful (Jeremiah 17:9) and your flesh is prone to laziness and unrighteousness, purity at the heart level is an ongoing process. Your flesh will constantly seek to excuse sin in places no one else can see. But Scripture is clear that whatever you allow to persist and prosper in your heart will inevitably overflow into your life (Luke 6:45). As my former pastor liked to say, “What’s down in the well comes up in the bucket.”
To pursue purity at the heart level and model it for your children, you must guard your heart (Proverbs 4:23), take your thoughts captive (2 Corinthians 10:5), renew your mind through God’s Word and prayer (Ephesians 4:23), and repent when you fall short. Your children may not see every thought and desire as they play out the battles that you fight within, but they will see how it all overflows into your life.
The mouth is directly connected to the condition of the heart. Jesus said, “Out of the abundance of the heart the mouth speaks” (Luke 6:45), and James describes the tongue as a powerful instrument that reveals and directs the course of a life (James 3:1–12). How you speak will be one of the clearest indicators to your children of your pursuit—or neglect—of purity.
To reflect your love for Christ, you must not only avoid coarse joking, gossip, or sensual talk, but also pursue speech marked by grace, truth, love, and self-control (Ephesians 4:29; Colossians 3:8). Consider honestly: How do you talk about others? What language fills your home? Are you gracious toward your spouse and children, even after a long day? How often do you talk about God and His Word?
Part of being wise with your speech also includes speaking honestly with your children about sin and temptation. If their only encounters with Christian purity are rules and vague warnings, they will be unprepared for the Christian’s daily battles for purity. Age-appropriate conversations about sin, temptation, the heart, and the hope of the Gospel will help them understand not only why purity matters, but what it looks like in daily life.
When asked about the greatest commandment, Jesus summarized the law as loving God and loving others (Matthew 22:37–40). In other words, there is no more important part of purity in all of life than loving God and loving those around you. The apostle Paul similarly says that without love, even the most outwardly impressive life is ultimately worthless (1 Corinthians 13:1–3).
A life that lacks genuine, sacrificial love is not a model of purity worth following.
Simply, then, for the parent who desires to exemplify purity for their children, love for God that results in love for others is critical. If you’re not loving others well, then your children will not see biblical purity. So, ask yourself, in your marriage, do you model Christlike love, faithfulness, and respect (Ephesians 5:22–33)? Do your children see patience, gentleness, and forgiveness when tensions rise, or do they more often witness frustration, harshness, and self-centeredness? Beyond the home, do your interactions with others reflect integrity, humility, kindness, generosity, and compassion?
A life that lacks genuine, sacrificial love is not a model of purity worth following. But when your children consistently see Christlike love shaping your relationships, they will understand that purity is not merely avoiding sin, but a heart transformed by love for God that overflows into love for others.
Scripture calls believers to comprehensive holiness: everything should be done for God’s glory (1 Corinthians 10:31) and in Christ’s name (Colossians 3:17). This means purity is not confined only to obvious moral decisions, but extends to the everyday choices that make up your life—what you do, what you watch, what you listen to, and how you spend your time. Do you prioritize worship or entertainment? Do you engage in gossip or remove yourself from it? Do your habits reflect discipline and self-control? Are your choices in clothing, entertainment, and spending shaped by a desire to honor God?
The answers to those questions will paint a picture that your children will see more and more clearly over time. Even in the small things, your decision-making reveals what you truly value. By consistently choosing what honors Christ, even when it is inconvenient or countercultural, you can show them that purity is not an abstract ideal but a worthy pursuit.
One area that quickly reveals parental inconsistencies is technology and entertainment. Your habits on your devices will disciple your children far more effectively than any rules you create. If you scroll endlessly, binge content, or tolerate what dishonors God, your children will learn that purity in this area is optional.
Repentance lived out in the home is a profound teacher.
Instead, be intentional about what you set before your eyes (Psalm 101:3). Practice self-control (Galatians 5:22–24) and steward your time wisely (Ephesians 5:16). Use a tool like Accountable2You to support faithful stewardship of your digital life and help you clearly demonstrate your commitment to transparency and integrity on your screens.
If you’ve been careless in this area in the past—as so many of us have—it’s not too late to remedy that. In fact, it would be a powerful lesson for your children if you acknowledged your own inconsistency and made clear changes that they could witness in real time. Repentance lived out in the home is a profound teacher.
One of my favorite quotes about worship is from D.A. Carson: “You cannot find excellent worship until you stop trying to find excellent worship and pursue God himself.” I think the same is true of many things in the Christian life, including purity. Your children will not find purity by seeking it as an end in itself, but will only find it as a fruit of a relationship with God through Jesus Christ.
If you fail to show your children that Christ is the only sure foundation for purity, you’re resigning them to hopeless legalism—always striving to live up to your rules and Scripture’s commands, but continually falling short and never knowing why. You can prevent this by grounding every instruction, correction, and expectation in the Gospel. Make it clear that they won’t be perfect and that they can’t look to themselves but must look to Christ. Only He can offer purity for otherwise hopeless sinners like us, and only He can provide them with His Spirit, who enables Christians to grow in purity more and more each day.
So show your children what it looks like to pursue Christ. Devote yourself to prayer, Scripture, and worship—privately, in your home, and with your church. Use your time, resources, and gifts to serve others and advance the Gospel. These practices—and others like them—will not only benefit your own walk with Christ, but will reinforce for your children the reality that knowing Christ and continually pursuing a relationship with Him is what makes purity possible.
At the end of the day, purity in the home is more often caught than taught. Your children are always watching—how you respond to temptation, how you speak about others, and what you do when no one is looking. Long after they forget your instructions, they will remember your life.
So don’t settle for standing on the sidelines, merely telling your children about purity. Step onto the court. Let them see your fight against sin, your dependence on Christ, and your growing love for what is pleasing to God. A parent who is humbly striving to follow Christ, quick to repent, and eager to pursue Christlike purity is a powerful instrument in God’s hands. By His grace, your children can learn to value and pursue purity, not just because you told them to, but because you showed them how.
Thomas Crowson serves as an Educational Content Writer for Accountable2You. Formerly an engineer, he is now preparing for pastoral ministry (M.Div, RTS). He lives in Kentucky with his wife and their four children and attends Christ Reformed Church.