Accountable2You » Resources » Personal Accountability » What Drives Your Self-Control?
Now that we’re halfway through the year, here’s a question that might make many squirm: Are you still pursuing the resolutions you made in January to be more disciplined? Most people abandon their New Year’s resolutions by February. In fact, only about 9 percent successfully keep their New Year’s resolutions for the entire year. Among those who didn’t, most said they lost motivation over time. Perhaps when they pictured themselves being healthier and stronger, they had underestimated how much effort it would actually take to exercise self-control.
If you don’t believe in making New Year’s resolutions, you probably still know what it’s like to wish you could give something up, decide to live differently, and then, after a short time, find yourself losing sight of your goal, so you quit. Maybe you’ve told yourself that you’re not like the special few who have an innate ability for self-discipline, so why even try?
This can be especially frustrating in the fight against sexual sin. Many people have promised themselves countless times that they would stop looking at pornography, only for a single illicit image to expose just how little self-control they actually have. Some convince themselves that if they can just get past the first ninety days, they won’t have to exert as much effort to say no to temptation after. But what we need is not simply more willpower; we need a motivation for self-control that can sustain us until the end.
The ability to control our own thoughts, words, feelings, and actions is what the Bible calls self-control or self-discipline (“temperance” in the KJV). Even if sexual purity is not your main struggle, everyone lacks self-control in some area of their life. It usually involves God’s good gifts, such as food, health, rest, time, and sex. When we don’t exercise self-control in the use of these gifts, we are like a city without walls (Proverbs 25:28)––vulnerable to destruction.
We cannot produce self-control in our own strength. Thankfully, the Holy Spirit, who is Himself the Spirit of self-control (2 Timothy 1:7, ESV), bestows this gift on believers. Since He only indwells those who are in Christ (Romans 8:9), only believers can receive the fruit of the Spirit, which includes self-control (Galatians 5:22–23).
For the believer, the pursuit of self-control is part of living out the identity already given to them in Christ.
The fruit of the Spirit is a natural result of a life lived in submission to Him. Those who are not Christians––described as “devoid of the Spirit” in Jude 19––may also exercise self-control to achieve their goals. In many cases, they may even appear more disciplined. Yet a closer look reveals different motivations driving them and the believer. For the unbeliever, self-control might be an “all-or-nothing” pursuit because it is tied to their identity. For the believer, the pursuit of self-control is part of living out the identity already given to them in Christ.
In light of this, Christians should be the most self-controlled people on earth. But why aren't we? There are at least two possible explanations. First, we take God's holiness lightly. Driven by our sinful desires, we naturally avoid making it harder for ourselves to get what we want, so we neglect to cultivate self-discipline. Part of the problem is what Jerry Bridges calls the "just one more time" syndrome, in which we excuse our sin and postpone putting it to death because we love it. We think, "Just one more peek at pornography," with little regard for God's absolute holiness.
Second, we have a wrong understanding of the role of hardship in the Christian life. We may believe that God doesn’t want us to experience suffering or difficulty, so we assume that whatever is easiest must be His will. We think that if we have to struggle through something, there must be something wrong. But enduring hardship is a necessary part of Christian growth (Romans 5:3–4). We are to labor and strive as we discipline ourselves for godliness (1 Timothy 4:7–10).
The Holy Spirit gifts us with self-control, but that doesn’t mean we are passive. Scripture commands believers to “put on” qualities that reflect Christ’s character (see Ephesians 4:22–24). We learn from Philippians 2:12–13 that we are to actively live out what God has already worked within us.
We exercise self-control when we say no to things, even good things, before they lead us down the path of sin.
Aside from putting on the Lord Jesus Christ, we are to actively make it hard for ourselves to sin (Romans 13:14). As a young Christian, I would knowingly walk toward temptation under the faulty assumption that my Bible reading that morning would give me the supernatural power to say no. I’ve learned the hard way that self-control isn’t demonstrated by our willpower to reject temptations we willingly expose ourselves to. Rather, we exercise self-control when we say no to things, even good things, before they lead us down the path of sin.
We shouldn’t underestimate the pull of sin. Excellent athletes discipline themselves through persistent hard work, saying no to what feels easy when it isn’t in their best interest. The apostle Paul tells us that he subjected himself to that same discipline (1 Corinthians 9:27). For what purpose? So that he would not undermine the Gospel he preached. He recognized that the way he lived reflected the Christ he wants others to know. Do you also keep the reputation of the Gospel in mind as you pursue self-control?
Self-control is displayed not only in our ability to say no to sin but also in our ability to say yes to what cultivates holiness (1 Timothy 4:7). God uses the ordinary means of grace to renew our minds, reshape our desires, redirect our affection toward Christ, and strengthen our faith. He has provided the means for us to be continually reminded of His grace to us in Christ, but we cannot grow in grace apart from the practice of spiritual disciplines.
We must recognize that there will never be a point at which we no longer need God’s strength because we have somehow mastered self-control.
Because we still battle the flesh, we must intentionally devote ourselves to studying God’s Word privately and corporately, to prayer, to fellowship with other believers, and to other spiritual practices (2 Peter 1:5–6). These things do not come naturally; they are called “spiritual disciplines” for a reason. It takes self-control to pick up your Bible instead of sleeping in. It takes self-discipline to get on your knees and pray instead of mindlessly scrolling through social media.
When we intentionally say yes to practicing these disciplines, we are sowing toward holiness (Galatians 6:7). In faithfully doing so, we will not be relying on greater willpower to say no to sin, but on a deeper love for our Savior (2 Corinthians 5:14). Like Moses, we will choose the eternal reward of Christ over the fleeting pleasures of sin (Hebrews 11:25–26). Like Joseph, we will fear the Lord rather than give in to sexual temptation (Genesis 39:12).
When we focus only on our part in developing self-control, we can fall into the trap of legalism. That is why we must remember that all our efforts must be accompanied by complete dependence on the Lord. We must recognize that there will never be a point at which we no longer need God's strength because we have somehow mastered self-control. Apart from Him, we can do nothing (John 15:5). As we work hard to exercise self-control, we must work hard in the Lord’s strength.
Believers were never meant to pursue self-control alone. We will always need God’s help and that of other Christians (Hebrews 3:13). Scripture commands all of us, regardless of age, to be self-controlled: older men and women (Titus 2: 2–3), younger men and women (vv. 5–6), and all believers (vv. 11–12). We must keep each other accountable to say "no" to sin and "yes" to godliness.
When we grow weary in the pursuit of self-control, the picture we must keep before us is not a fitter, healthier version of ourselves, but Christ, into whose image we are being transformed. Christian, who drives your self-control? Is it your Lord who has bought you with His own blood (1 Corinthians 6:20)? Then make it your resolve to glorify Him in your body by putting on self-control.
Stephanie Colinco is the Educational Content Manager at Accountable2You. She holds degrees in biblical counseling (MABC, TMU; DEdMin, SBTS) and loves using her training to serve women both globally and at her local church, Grace and Truth Church Cincinnati.