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Marriage Accountability

I’m Worried My Spouse Has a Problem Online

by Ali Royann

Dear Ali,
I’m worried my spouse has a problem online, but I can’t prove it.

Always On Alert

Dear On Alert,

Trust is so important in a marriage. It takes a deep commitment from both partners to have a healthy, honest relationship. But trust can be destroyed in an instant by poor choices. Broken trust leads to suspicion and insecurities, which makes it impossible to work together as a team.

Find the source of your suspicion. Have there been changes in recent behavior?

Find the source of your suspicion. Have there been changes in recent behavior? Excess time online that takes your spouse away from family and responsibilities is a legitimate concern. An increase in irritability or sudden issues with anger could be a sign of a deeper problem.

One way to approach it is to simply ask what they are doing online. If your spouse is struggling with online temptation, they may become defensive or feel it is an invasion of privacy. If there is a denial of any wrongdoing with no desire to settle your concerns, you may need to involve the help of a counselor or pastor.

If your spouse is willing to be transparent with their online activities, then put measures in place like accountability software. This will help to ease any concerns you may have. Be sure you are not using it to find fault with your spouse’s activity. Looking for failure will steal the pleasure that comes with working as a team!

One of the greatest joys in marriage is when both partners want success for each other. Trusting one another allows us to be vulnerable with each other and enjoy a deeper, intimate relationship!


“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics.

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