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I Can’t Stop Checking My Husband’s Activity Reports

by Ali Royann

Dear Ali,
We have accountability software on my husband’s device, but I’m addicted to checking his reports. It is consuming so much of my day.

Gail in SC

Dear Gail,

I encourage spouses to be accountable to one another. It is a great way to create a lifestyle of honesty and transparency. It also gives couples the opportunity to have healthy dialogue that reinforces trust and builds intimacy.

It may be better for someone else to be your husband’s accountability partner.

Accountability software is not beneficial if it is being used to catch your spouse doing wrong. The joy of accountability comes when we are able to motivate and support the goals and values our partner wants to achieve.

If secrets have been kept in the past, often times it creates a breakdown in communication. Suspicion and disharmony taint the relationship. Communication needs to be built on truth, integrity, and respect for each other.

If trust is still being rebuilt from past hurt, it may be better for someone else to be your husband’s accountability partner. His partner can give you updates of his success while not bogging you down with specific failures. This will give you both an opportunity to discuss his progress while encouraging a relationship toward trust and healing.

Work as a team! Commit to making your relationship stronger and enjoy the benefits accountability can offer.


“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics.

Originally published on March 28, 2019

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