Ask Ali

“Ask Ali” is an op-ed column answering common questions about accountability and related topics. Do you have a question for Ali? Send your question to [email protected]. Please note that the views and opinions expressed may not represent those of Accountable2You.

Posts Tagged 'Ask Ali'

How Do I Teach My Young Children Responsibility?

How Do I Teach My Young Children Responsibility?

Responsibility does not come naturally to any of us! It needs to be taught. We should expect responsibility from our kids, not give it as an option.

Dear Bringing Them Up, Responsibility does not come naturally to any of us! We see examples of that all the way back in the Garden of Eden when Adam blamed Eve and Eve blamed the serpent. If our children are not required to take responsibility for their behavior, we will create adults who expect entitlement and are unwilling to accept correction. Responsibility is a quality that needs to be taught. As parents, we should expect it from our kids, not give ...
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My Husband Has No Desire for Accountability

My Husband Has No Desire for Accountability

Successful accountability requires a willing heart—a desire to change and grow by making the right choices. How can you encourage that in someone else?

Dear Hoping, Successful accountability requires a willing heart—a desire to change and grow by making the right choices. If it is forced on someone, you will most likely not receive the results you were hoping for. Everyone struggles with something in life. But if a person does not feel the need to improve, then accountability offers little appeal. It could be that your husband doesn’t see the need for accountability or the benefit it can provide. Ask him if there ...
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How to Address an Alert from My Accountability Partner?

How to Address an Alert from My Accountability Partner?

As an accountability partner, you play an important role in your partner’s success! But what happens when it’s time to address poor choices?

Dear Watchful, As an accountability partner, you play an important role in your partner’s success! Encouraging them in their plan toward reaching and maintaining their goal is exciting. But what happens when it’s time to address poor choices? Confrontation can be difficult. You may be required to ask difficult questions of your partner. Your questions may be met with embarrassment or other unpredictable behavior. But remember, they have asked you to partner with them in this journey! I encourage you to ...
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I’m Worried My Spouse Has a Problem Online

I’m Worried My Spouse Has a Problem Online

Trust is so important in a marriage, but what can you do if you suspect your spouse is struggling with online temptation?

Dear On Alert, Trust is so important in a marriage. It takes a deep commitment from both partners to have a healthy, honest relationship. But trust can be destroyed in an instant by poor choices. Broken trust leads to suspicion and insecurities, which makes it impossible to work together as a team. Find the source of your suspicion. Have there been changes in recent behavior? Excess time online that takes your spouse away from family and responsibilities is a legitimate concern. ...
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Is My Child Too Young to Have a Phone?

Is My Child Too Young to Have a Phone?

Although there is no magic age, you will have a better understanding if your child is ready to have a phone by asking some specific questions.

Dear Caring, There really is no magic number. You will have a better understanding if he is ready by asking some of the following questions: How much training have I invested in internet safety? Have I discussed stranger danger? What information can be shared with others? Does he make wise decisions in my absence? Teach him that owning a phone is a privilege and, if used improperly, it will be taken away. Give clear rules for when, where, and what purpose the phone may be ...
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I Can’t Stop Checking My Husband’s Activity Reports

I Can’t Stop Checking My Husband’s Activity Reports

Should accountability software be used to catch your spouse doing wrong? How can it help a marriage to heal from suspicion and past hurt?

Dear Gail, I encourage spouses to be accountable to one another. It is a great way to create a lifestyle of honesty and transparency. It also gives couples the opportunity to have healthy dialogue that reinforces trust and builds intimacy. Accountability software is not beneficial if it is being used to catch your spouse doing wrong. The joy of accountability comes when we are able to motivate and support the goals and values our partner wants to achieve. If secrets ...
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Help! My Husband Admitted to Viewing Pornography

Help! My Husband Admitted to Viewing Pornography

Wrong choices from the one who has vowed to “love and cherish” you can feel like a betrayal. But you can experience a fulfilled and trusting relationship again!

Dear Devastated, Wrong choices from the one who has vowed to “love and cherish” you can feel like a betrayal. The hurt can be so overwhelming that it can be hard to extend forgiveness. But you can experience a fulfilled and trusting relationship again and make your marriage even stronger! Your husband has made the first step with his confession. It was probably not an easy decision for him knowing the pain that it would cause you. The fact that he ...
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How Do I Ask My Fiancé about Pornography?

How Do I Ask My Fiancé about Pornography?

It is important to know how your future spouse feels about pornography and if it is a struggle in his life. A healthy marriage needs honesty and transparency.

Dear Soon To Be, Congratulations on your engagement! Entering into a marriage covenant is a serious decision and life-long commitment. An issue with pornography is a valid concern and should be discussed before marriage. It is important to know how your prospective spouse feels about this issue and if it is a struggle in his life. Ask how he feels pornography affects the marriage relationship. Does he agree it is harmful and damaging, or no big deal? How has it affected ...
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My Daughter Is Using Her Phone Inappropriately

My Daughter Is Using Her Phone Inappropriately

Technology has made it so easy for kids to engage in dangerous behavior that can go unnoticed by parents. What can a mom or dad do?

Dear Worried Mom, The short answer: Take it away! Inappropriate actions on a device need to be dealt with immediately. Technology has made it so easy for kids to engage in dangerous behavior that can go unnoticed by parents. Chat rooms and social media provide exposure to bullying and meeting strangers. Pornography is abundant. Personal photos can be exploited. Demonstrating maturity should be required to earn the privilege of using technology. If your daughter needs to be able to ...
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How Do I Get My Family Excited about Accountability?

How Do I Get My Family Excited about Accountability?

Accountability is an exciting way to move toward success in a desired goal! Here are some great ways to motivate your family about accountability.

Dear Earnest, Understanding the true meaning and purpose of accountability is very exciting. Accountability is a way to take responsibility for actions and decisions that move toward success in a desired goal. So, accountability offers an encouraging perspective on life! Accountability should not be looked at with drudgery. It is not meant to catch someone doing wrong, but rather to assist an individual toward right choices. We are all more successful at accomplishing goals when a partner comes alongside ...
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